However, my health and athleticism were robbed for many years as I battled addictions.
I fell in love with alcohol and drugs in my teens. They were all coping mechanisms to help me get outside of myself and not feel what I hated most about who I was and the life I was given. I always knew I had a problem controlling anything that made me feel good and I selfishly made sure I was always feeling good. After years of unacceptable behavior, my life became one self-sabotage after another and I became a chameleon trying to survive and get to my next fix. I thrived on defiance, dishonesty, and anger. I eventually started to fear that I was running out of chances and that I was either going to end up in some serious trouble or accidentally kill myself or someone else. I was addicted to the thrill I would get from participating in risky behavior, so I continued on despite the fact that I was losing my identity as a human being.
My cycles would continue until the wheels fell off. What that usually looked like was me wandering off alone in foreign places with people I hardly knew, blackouts, overdosing, intoxicated driving, stealing, fights, falling, bruises, broken bones, and handcuffs. I would always make light of my experiences and laugh them off. I convinced myself that I was the designated joker in life and I tried to manipulate others into thinking that about me too. It was my reputation and my behavior was to be expected. I was relentless.
“After many cycles of highs and lows I hit one particular emotional and physical bottom that brought me to my knees. I had hit many bottoms prior, but this one emptied me out.”
After many cycles of highs and lows I hit one particular emotional and physical bottom that brought me to my knees. I had hit many bottoms prior, but this one emptied me out. I found myself in a drug psychosis and I was forced to make a choice. I had felt like a miserable shell of a person and I was at a fork in the road. I could sleep off the humiliation and continue on as a reckless chameleon or seek treatment. Rehab was the last place I wanted to go because I was in fear of the person I had to deal with sober. Me. However, despite my fear, my inner voice moved me to make the choice to get help. I spent time in a residential treatment facility and then many months in an intensive outpatient program. It was through those experiences that I got over the fear of getting to know myself and I got to work.
After some deep work, and what I felt was the beginning of my spiritual and emotional transformation, I had an overwhelming desire to begin a physical transformation and throw myself back into fitness. I had let myself go for many years. I was out of shape and had quit playing every team sport I had been participating in. It was too difficult, for me, to show up and play sports while getting loaded. I was familiar with weight training from my college days and many years of sporadic training in the gym, but I wanted to challenge myself to new strength training methods. So, I began researching online fitness coaches and trainers and found a woman that had the lifestyle I wanted. I got to work with her immediately.
After two months of hard-core High Intensity Training, dieting, and proper supplementation, I found myself in the best shape of my life. I had felt a blend of confidence, ambition, strength and humility that was so foreign to me. I loved it! I continued on with my six month program and during that period, my perception on health, fitness, diet, and lifestyle had changed. Everything clicked. My results were quick because I was diligent with my program and stayed close to my coach. I checked in with her often and that held me accountable to my progress and overall program. It was in those first six months that the lights went on in a multitude of ways. I was encouraged to build a career around what I was doing for myself, so I started building my fitness network and my online platform, incorporating everything responsible for my physical transformation. I extended my training program with my coach for another six months and continued building my system. For years I had a fascination with vitamins and supplementation, so I continued my research with a focus on supplementation for fitness. It wasn’t long before I was approached by my first wave of clients.
Coaching through motivation and witnessing the lives of my client’s transform has brought a tremendous amount of joy to my life. It also wasn’t long before I rejoined a soccer team and multiple softball teams. Health and fitness had become a passion and priority in my life again and I was finally feeling a wholeness that I used to only fantasize about. Getting sober gave me a new freedom and fitness saved my life. Nothing has made me feel more alive.
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